


Guilt

by KissedByAShadow



Series: Shadowhunters 3x16 Ficlets [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), Shadowhunters (TV) RPF, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pain, Unconsciousness, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 15:52:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18285452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KissedByAShadow/pseuds/KissedByAShadow
Summary: "He understands now, the pain Magnus would've felt when he used the parabatai rune to track Jace."





	Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry isn't really cutting it anymore, is it?

He sighs, the movement heavy and tense, his thoughts weighing down on him. His shoulders slump with exhaustion, guilt coursing through his veins as he stares at Magnus, unmoving, as he chokes back on the sobs that always seem to be stuck on his throat, tears threatening to spill over his cheeks at any given second. 

He understands now. 

He understands now, the pain Magnus would've felt when he used the parabatai rune to track Jace. He understands now, why Magnus never left his side, not even when the entire Institute tried to convince him otherwise. He understands now, why Magnus was so furious at him for putting his life at risk. 

He understands, because he feels the exact same way. 

It's a strange mix of emotions, something he's never experienced before. Somewhere in between pain, and longing, and fury.

He never wants to feel like this again. 

Izzy and Jace have been trying to get him to leave the infirmary, to eat something, to rest, but he absolutely refuses to leave Magnus's side. He's even ignored his mother's requests; and Underhill gave up long ago. There doesn't seem to be anything more he can do other than wait for Magnus, Catarina has made that much clear.

So wait beside Magnus's side, he will. 

He wants Magnus to wake up, more than anything. He wants to apologize, wants to let Magnus know how sorry he is, for not understanding his pain, for bending over backwards to get Jace back, without realizing what that would cost Magnus. He wants to tell Magnus that he'll never, ever inflict that kind of pain on him again, that he finally knows what it feels like to be on the verge of losing the person you love, that all he wants is for Magnus to be _happy_ , even if it's at the cost of his own happiness. 

That he finally knows what it's like to lose his world.

**Author's Note:**

> This was incredibly short, but I couldn't help myself, I had to write it.  
> It probably belongs on twitter, or tumblr, actually.  
> Oh, well. 
> 
> \- [ @shadowhunt_101 ](https://mobile.twitter.com/shadowhunt_101)


End file.
